Time for a Time Out

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I’m sending you for a time out. That’s right. Now go find a nice quiet corner and think about what you’ve done to your life. It’s a disaster and you need to go away for awhile and figure it all out. In fact, your entire family needs to go away for a while. I’m not saying you can’t come back to the party. Actually you’re more than welcome to come back but not until after you’ve completed the following tasks. Lay off the booze and drugs…you’re acting like a crazy person and nobody needs to see that. Throw away your spray tanners. With your complexion it’s obvious that you don’t have a real tan so you end up looking fake and trashy. So just get rid of them and go see a dermatologist while you’re at it. Stop Tweeting…NOW…end it. I know it can be addictive, but you need to give it up. Oh and you really need to find something else to wear other than black leggings…please for the love of all that is good…put something else on. Now, I understand that you haven’t worked in awhile and you need to make money and I have a crazy idea that just might work. Now this might sound insane, but just hear me out. I think your parents, who have been leaching off you for the past 15 years should get real jobs and they should support you, the child, for a change. And just so we’re clear…telling family secrets to the tabloids does not constitute a “job”.

That’s what I would tell Lindsay if I had the chance. That’s what the people around her should be telling her. This girl is a mess. She was so cute when she was a kid, the very promising young Disney star. But that ship has sailed and if she doesn’t go for a time out soon she won’t have a chance to board the next ship…the last ship as far as she’s concerned. The only other thing after that would be either the porn commuter train or the dancing with the stars shuttle bus.

It’s your move Lindsay. Make it a good one.